This week has been a very stressful and tiring week for me. I knew it was going to be – but I wasn’t quite expecting it to affect me this much, in such a big way. I wasn’t quite ready to be defeated.
I am a go-getter, a perfectionist in many ways. I like to work hard and train harder. I enjoy following a schedule with my training and having my rest days programmed the same way. I don’t particularly like to change them around too often because I know what works for me. But, and this is a very big reason, routine brings me comfort and gives me that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I like being able to mark off my day’s tasks that I had set out to get done. Now this is neither a good nor a bad thing. It is just a thing.
First of all let me say that I am not going to write to you and pretend that I am perfect. I am not. Just because I can coach and assist people on how to live their best life does not mean that I am living the perfect life. Am I living my BEST life? Yes. Is it/or am I perfect? Hell no! Lets take an example: Husain Bolt. Do you think his coach runs faster than he does? Does that make him a good or a bad coach? I will let you answer that one for yourself.
Ok back to my story...
This week I was unable to keep all the juggling pins in the air. Surprise Surprise. Anke couldn’t do everything at the same time with the same enthusiasm. Something must be wrong, right? So I thought anyway! The only thing that was made blatantly obvious to me is that I am, in fact, only human. I can’t say that I was particularly happy about this new discovery but lets see what happened once I accepted it, I mean it is true after all.
I sat down each day after a long days work and made the decision (that’s right, purposely) not to work out and falling behind on my schedule then I said to myself “Well done on getting through this day, you did awesome”. Instead of focusing on the fact that I chose not to go to the gym after work (and yes there was time and no I am not injured) and having a bowl of cereal as a “snack” which is clearly not the best food choice, I still felt proud. And I enjoyed the quiet time listening to music and indulging on microwave popcorn that my love sent me all the way from the UK. I didn’t linger on about what I didn’t get to do that day. Instead I chose to celebrate what I did get to do. It is now day 3 and I have missed three workouts. Yes that is correct, I am three days behind on my training program and lets just say my food diary looks like a Picasso painting. Not what you would expect to see from someone who “knows better”.
So where does that leave me now? Here I am feeling grateful that I was able to do what ANKE needed me to do in order to get through this difficult week as best as I can. Did I glide through it as effortlessly as I had hoped – no – does that matter – hell no! All that matter is that I am here now, relaxed, feeling loved and acknowledged instead of overwhelmed and ignored (by self).
I didn’t do what others expected from me or even what I expected from myself and I made some choices that (lets be honest here) could have been better. But I did do what was best for me in that moment. And I feel great about that. I know that, as I continue on my journey my decisions in the moment will grow in such a way that it will only enrich me (sugary cereal most definitely did not enrich me or my health). But this is a process, a journey.
It is OK to make bad decisions. It is OK to miss a workout. It is OK to make bad food choices. It is OK not to always jump with joy or have enthusiasm for every waking minute of the day. What matters is being true to yourself – listen to your inner voice and respect whatever need it may be trying to shine the light on. No matter how little you may think it is. You are worth listening too.
Don’t look back with regret or feel guilty about decisions that have been made or cereal that have been eaten – just see them for what they are, and they are in the past.
Every day is a school day!